- I’m finding a lot of clients are coming to me lately with a lot of the same issues, problems and blocks to happiness, so I felt to do with the time appropriate to bring a few of these commonalities into the light. This has mostly come from women however I don’t think this article is just for women, I think men do the same thing but just supress it more due to societal programs. I’d like you to ask yourself this question and sit in silence for a moment and see what answer you may get.
Are you listening to the voice within?
I mean REALLY listening to the voice that comes from inside you, or are you pushing that voice to the side for the sake of others? This voice inside you is your power source of happiness, your guide to everything you want in life and needs to be heard. I’m finding quite a few people are realizing that all of a sudden they are feeling like they are in a place they don’t want to be in life and wondering why or how this happened to them. They may have ignored that voice for so long that it’s very quiet now, or its been suppressed and non existent. Some of the root of this can be from upbringing, where you are taught to put others over yourself, some of this can be from life experience such as one “mistake” and you choose not to listen anymore and just follow the crowd, or sometimes we get caught up with a partner and hand over all control to them, hoping they will do the best for both. Every time we don’t listen to the voice inside us and go with the flow of others or life, it takes a part of you away from yourself, and in time you start to feel lost and not very connected to anything in your life. The good thing is this can be corrected although it will take some work on your part, and once you start listening to and following the voice inside you, your outer world will begin to change and things you really want will begin to align for you. Sometimes a few hypnotherapy sessions can get to the root of where and when exactly you started not listening to your voice and once that is corrected, you will notice change and positive growth.
Examples of how you can end up in this predicament include:
Always putting others needs before your own or self sacrificing behaviour- this can happen very easily when we have small children, however you as the adult also need to show your child how to love themselves and show positive behaviours for later in life by example, so it is never selfish to put yourself first and then factor your children into the equation. If you show them you are always sacrificing your wants or happiness for them, they will grow up doing the same ….. of course there is always a balance with this and some people will think this is selfish behaviour, but I don’t believe so if done with the highest good of all in mind.
Allowing other people to make decisions for you- now sometimes there is nothing wrong with having someone else choose something for you, a place for dinner, a travel destination etc. of course when more than one person is involved give and take is necessary. I’m talking more about big decisions in life like where you live, who you associate with, career choices, pursuing hobbies and extra curricular activities, these are big parts of a persons happiness and contribute to fulfillment. In those decisions you should always be talking to yourself first and if you really feel it within you then you have to go with that voice and also not be afraid to voice your opinion to others. I see this can be an issue in a parent/child dynamic, where the parent wants to see their child on a certain path, and the child can feel guilty over not pleasing the parent and will just follow whatever they are told to do as we all want to please our parents. If this is done enough times the child learns not to follow their own inner guidance and eventually things like anxiety, feeling out of control and unsureness of self start popping up. This can also happen in a partnership dynamic where one person continually hands decision making over to someone else, its great to be able to have a conversation of both persons wants and needs and go from there.
Feeling responsible for others happiness- you are never responsible for others happiness or feelings, you are only responsible for your own. No one can make someone else happy, happiness comes from within and is made only by yourself, no amount of money, attention or possessions can do this, its an inside job. We hand our power over to others when we do things for everyone else’s happiness but not our own. Again if we look at it from the perspective of the highest good of all involved it will always be coming from a good place and that’s what matters most.
People pleasing – do you feel you need to say yes to everyone in order to feel good about yourself? This is never a good choice and you need to look at the reasons why you need to please others all the time, again its usually a learnt behaviour that can be fixed with some work. When you start saying no to people, jobs or certain situations you create space for the more meaningful things in life to happen. When everything you choose to do is meaningful to you, your whole life becomes more meaningful and that’s when you really start feeling fulfilled.
When you start listening to your inner voice and make the best decisions for yourself with the highest good in mind for all it creates a dynamic that will bring to you the life you want and deserve. You are the creator of your life instead of bystanding. If you feel you may need to explore why you may be doing any of these behaviours feel free to reach out!